Identity is a paradox. We want to feel unique, but we want to feel belonging to a community. To be different but the same. To do the things we love, but still do what everyone else expects us to do. Most of the people try to spent their life to fit in. Fit in the family, fit in school, fit in a group of friends, fit in the society. You might be scratching your head and wondering what exactly that means but thing again.
From the time when we were child, our family and institutions tell us to fit in and to get along without conditions. We try to please our family and think it is the best way to show them respect. At school, we feel sometimes frustrated, but we try to adjust to others. We want to be part of the group, and we don’t speak our mind out of fear of looking stupid. As we move into adulthood, we also have to follow the majority. Every institution or professional group we experience through our life teaches us to be obedient to the norm.
What if everything that we are doing to “fit in,” consciously or unconsciously, is hurting us? Why are we trying so hard to fit in when sometimes we are born to stand out?
Many people feel like they’re living on the periphery of society, but they try to fit in because they think it is the right thing to do to survive. Our Brains equate “fitting in” with survival. Centuries ago if you did not belong to a group, you could not survive because having no food, protection or any shelter.
Putting so much effort into fitting in when deep inside we don’t fell to do it takes us a lot of energy. If we put the same amount of effort into fitting out, we would feel much happier because fitting out would mean being our authentic self in every moment.
What’s if in life, instead of trying to fit in we decided to fit out?
First, you have to find your authentic self again. Start to cultivate self-acceptance, belonging and authenticity. Examine your life and forget the needs who determinate it. What do you want to be, what do you want to accomplish in this lifetime and what’s been holding you back? What have you tried that hasn’t worked and why? What risks are you ready to take to live the life of your dreams? Be honest with yourself because after all, who are you if you’re not your authentic self?
As we saw life is a paradox. We want to be different but the same. It is nearly impossible to be entirely content with this double standard. Trying to live up to this double standard is like having two lines to walk. They may run close enough that we can keep a foot on each, but eventually we will have to choose or find a middle ground.
We are all individual entities with different passions that cannot be placed on one scale of measurement
Don’t let people around or societal pressure discourages you, and that includes you! There is no “supposed to be”, there is the only standard we impose upon our self.
Fitting out is not about being rebellious; fitting out is first about being ok with you. You are the one in charge of your future, and you only have one life. You might as well live it to the fullest!